And just like that January is over and gone.
Have you ever felt that sensation of time feeling fast and slow all at once? That is the what I experienced in January. Several times I stepped back to evaluate what thoughts I had to share with the world. And each time I found nothing.
January was a month of internal focus for me. In December Cody and I decided to step back and take the focus of our weekends from our work responsibilities to our relationships with each other and with God. Since the beginning of our relationship we have never had consistent weekends or Sabbaths together. So this was a big step for both of us.
Let me just say that I did not expect our intentional Sabbath rest to provide insight into our lives quite as quickly as God gave it! In fact, thanks to my Pastor and several other voices in my life, the first week of the year my heart was burdened with a decision that was very terrifying for me to make.
I have been pouring out my heart and longings to God for quite some time about the vision He has given me for my calling, our families future, and the relationship He’s asking me to walk into with Him. I had a picture in my head of how it would play out.
Little did I know….He has other plans!
As of February 1st, I started a season of unemployment.
I have been asked many times where I am going or what I am going into. Reality is not so easy to explain. The end of 2017 found me wrestling through some hard struggles, from anxiety and depression to exhaustion and emotional stress. Yahweh is the God of deliverance. And He brought me out of that dark, scary season. But ya know, sometimes deliverance isn’t gonna stick if you don’t change something.
There is a lot of pride in me. A lot of self-doubt. When God first spoke to me about quitting, the thought of being out of control froze me. I am a super conservative person financially. I also have a tendency to lean on the stability of money as an anchor. That is not faith. And I was confronted on that.
My terror was also rooted in a fear of my dreams actually coming true. Who knew falling into your desires could be so fearsome!
My heart is pulled towards people. I have always longed to serve. I have beat myself up about it, because sometimes my motives are muddy. I’m human. Sometimes I do things to be recognized. But when I really step back, I know that I was molded to be a servant. I can’t help but be wired to care.
So God asked me to step back from my comfortable routine and structured form of service. Despite the terror of losing the consistency of my life, I’ve put my ‘yes’ on the table for whatever adventure He creates!
This is a season of obedience and delight in the Lord. He’s giving me opportunity to pursue the gifts He’s given me in a deeper way. From the connections and community I have to the artistic creativity He’s fused into my DNA, my journey is not one of trudging, but of joyful exploration!
Ephesians 3 – 20 Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do super-abundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen.
This post is brought to you by the Weekly Song!
This week I am featuring So Will I(100 Billion X) by Hillsong United
I can’t get over the fact that God predestined me to partner with Him in this life. He doesn’t need me. He WANTS me! And He wants me to do life with Him, because choosing Him is so much more fulfilling than following the standard that this world has set for a successful life. He is a risk-taker, and I’m His image-bearer.
If creation still obeys You, so will I.
If the stars were made to worship so will I If the mountains bow in reverence so will I If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I For if everything exists to lift You high so will I If the wind goes where You send it so will I If the rocks cry out in silence so will I If the sum of all our praises still falls shy Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times